It has been a very long time since my last post. Lots of sadness this past year. We lost many loved ones. Just kinda been rambling through, trying to find a way to come to terms. Then I realized that the only way is to continue on, hopefully bringing my best memories of them with me.
My beloved angel, Faerie Princess passed away on December 9. She died in my arms as we lay in bed. For a very long time, she was my whole world. I even named my daughter after her. Her full name was Faerie Princess Olivia. My daughter's name is Grace Olivia Mary. The Mary is after my husband's Grandmother. I miss her terribly. I feel her loss every day. Though she was older, it was unexpected. I can barely type this through my tears.
On March 2, my husband's aunt passed away after a truly courageous battle with cancer. She had the faith of a child. Such a loving woman.
We barely had time to grieve her loss when my husband's father, Gracie's Papa, passed away after fighting his own battle with brain cancer. He left this world peacefully on March 13. Part of me still feels like he is still here. I still expect him to answer the phone when I call my in-law's home.
I have never seen so many people at a wake. He had so many friends. He was buried in Abraham Lincoln Cemetery. He was a Marine who fought in Vietnam. The ceremony was beyond moving.
On March 26, our dear sweet McGillicuddy went to heaven with Faerie. He had tumors in his lungs that could not be removed. He stopped eating. Nothing could be done, so we held him as the doctor gave him an injection. I miss his constant companionship. He was everywhere I was. Always. Sometimes, I see a shadow and for a brief moment, I think it is my McGillicuddy.
On April 3, my husband's Grandmother, Mary, passed away. She was my heart, so gentle, kind and loving. Her smile was a constant in our lives. The loss of her daughter and her son in law took a toll. She died peacefully in her sleep, surrounded by loved ones.
As you may know, my adoptive father passed on May 9 of 2015. The anniversary is this Monday.
I am forcing myself to write this but I can barely see through tears. Just reading it overwhelms me. On top of this, we suffered our final miscarriage. We will not make any more attempts. God has spoken and He said "no".
I never really connected all this together in one experience, so to speak.
The words seem so shallow. It does no service to the full weight of the emotion, grief and sadness behind each letter of those sentences, as if each letter was created of White Dwarf Star matter.
I have been very sick most of the year, as well, a severe allergic reaction to medicine last June put me in the hospital for three days. There I caught a terrible flu, followed by two bouts of pneumonia, mono and now an inner ear infection, which is waning, thank goodness.
I really hated not being able to do the things I love to do. The garden needs tending this year, which I am planning on beginning this weekend.
It is time to stand up and walk on...
Faerie Princess asleep in the sunroom. You can see a glimpse of McGillicuddy's tail.
McGillicuddy in the library.
I did take time in November to redo the Master Bedroom. We found a bed on Craigslist that I had wanted for a while from Pottery Barn but the price was a bit steep.
The bed replaced a king size sleigh bed we also found on Craigslist.
Funny, we bought a king size because we thought all our pets would be sleeping with us. They didn't. They do now that we have a smaller bed!
The chandelier was an ebay find.
We found the cassone, or carved hope chest, on Craigslist as well. We drove to St. Louis to pick it up. The carvings are stunning!
My dad loved this and was excited to see it in place. Sadly, he passed away before he could see it.
Added Italian altar candlestick lamps to the bedsides.
The painting is Rembrandt's "Storm on the Sea of Galilee". It reminds us that God is in charge, no matter what comes our way.
Lamp on my side. To give you an idea how big the room is, the table is 40" across.
Dressing table, mirror, bench, all found on Craigslist.
Handome Husband's bedside.
You can see the huge, gilt mirror we found free on Bookoo, a Craigslist-like site.
Both the Christos figure, from a church in Milwaukee and the Prie Dieu were found on Craigslist.
My Faerie Princess helping me here. The armoire was a Craigslist find, as are the settee, table and sconces.
I replaced the settee with this chaise, also found on Craigslist and the bombe chest. McGillicuddy loved this spot.
Larger view of the gilt mirror, angel statue and the buffet we use as Handsome Husband's night table.
I have always loved the work of Tara Shaw, her white walls, religious artifacts, French antiques. Some day, I hope to own some of her pieces, until then, I will continue to scour Craigslist!
The Master Bedroom exudes a sense of serenity. It is a very peaceful place to lay our heads after a long day.
Thanks for visiting me, friends! I am on my way to go visit you!
Oh Andie my heart goes out to you. Truly my eyes overflowed with tears at all that you have endured. Saying a prayer for strength and that your cherished memories will be of comfort to you during this difficult time.ReplyDelete
[The Odd Asylum if you're wondering ...
Oh, my! What a trail of tears you've walked.ReplyDelete
You've created a beautiful sanctuary in your bedroom. I always enjoy seeing your amazing Craigslist finds!
Oh Andy, I am so very sorry for all your sadness and hardship you've endured lately, with so many loses of loved ones, I cannot imagine how broken your heart is.ReplyDelete
I am happy though, that you have support from your dear daughter and husband. I am sad you miscarried too. Leave it to God, He knows what's best for you, this advice I gave my daughter Sofia too when she miscarried.
Your bedroom is very dramatic, but stunning. You always had such an amazing taste, very sophisticated and theatrical. Stunning huge mirror.
Try to enjoy your own Mother's Day my friend.
Blessings and prayers.
I thought about you this week, and hoped that you were okay since we haven't seen any blog updates. You're so talented, it's scary when we don't see your lovely home, pets and incredible finds. Thanks to you, I now have a new place to search for items. HOW did you score that HUGE gilt mirror for FREE? I checked our local Bookoo with great anticipation, but no such finds. Your Master is so lovely, and has your special brand of making it regal.
I am so saddened to hear of the losses that you've had in your family. And yet, you haven't turned your back on God, gotten bitter, even when your own health failed. Andie, I've been where you are, sick, experiencing loss, and having to say goodbye to cherished pets. Holding my very ill kitty, like you did with McGillicuddy, and just 11 months earlier, her brother passed the same way from the same kidney/thyroid disease. No words. We loved them to pieces, and we won't soon get more pets due to the heavy toll it takes, and we're still paying the Vet bills. We'd forego our health in favor of theirs. I'd do it again, as they are truly helpless. God Bless you for taking such good care of your sweet kitties, and allowing them to enjoy your home without restriction.
I also understand about pregnancies that do not come to fruition, and the healing that takes place, ever so slowly. And, I also understand when God closes a door, He opens a window.
Finding the key to your health is a huge task, this I know. Stress doesn't help us heal, does it? My prayer is that going forward, things will progressively get better, paths are clear, cobwebs are shaken, and sweet new days ahead for you.
Truly, you are a strong woman!
I've missed your posts, Andie, and while I'm glad you're back, feel sad for you about all yr. losses and pain. Perhaps with the lengthening of the days and the return of the sun, you will feel some better.ReplyDelete
Keep on keeping on, and know that you and your family will know better days in the future, as the scorching heat of grief ebbs and the happy memories remain.
Very glad to see you back, Andie! I was beginning to wonder –– seriously –– if I'd somehow missed the news of what-would-have-been your tragic demise. I just "knew" something had to be wrong for you to absent yourself for such a long time.ReplyDelete
I am sorry you've had such a difficult year. The death of loved ones ––both human and animal –– is never easy to bear, as well I know.
I probably should apologize for adding too much material to your last post, but I kept hoping that you –– or SOMEONE –– would at least drop by and tell us you were still among the living, but much in need of a long winter's nap –– or something like that.
I like what you've done with your bedroom very much. It's elegant , sophisticated, and as others have said, it surrounds you (and HH!) with a sense of Importance and Drama. The settee was a beautiful piece, but the chaise longue and bombé chest filled with objets de vertu add a note of coziness much more suitable to bedroom.
More important than any of that, however, is your health. I hope in future you will hold back a little before exhausting yourself so completely that you become ill.
I don't think I've ever heard of such a bout of constant and heartbreaking grieve in one life. I respectfully extend my condolences and hope to help you to know that you are loved and very valuable to so many lives out here. What happens to you and your loved ones matter to me and pains my heart.ReplyDelete
I am also glad that you have so many, many good memories of your little ones to wipe away some of the grief and I hope you find some consolation in the fact that you created a beautiful environment for them to spend their days. Please take pride in that, you did a good job.
You spread beauty and love to all enter your life, Andie and for those who have loved you and have passed, I think you made it a little bit easier for them to do so.
I am so very glad you are back, I have missed you. As they say "The only way out, is through" and if anyone can do, it's you!
so many losses.... I read this through tears and I don't even know you!!! We lost, 3 weeks ago, 4 dearly beloved friends within 3 days, 3 of them elderly, one just starting to enjoy the life of a pensioner!!! So sad.ReplyDelete
Your bedroom is a heaven of peace, serenity and I hope it allows you to sleep in order to regain new strength and energy. My prayers are with you.
It all seems so overwhelming. I don't know what to say. Sometimes not saying anything, is ok. Sending unconditional love to you and your family. You are not alone. May peace fill your heart...
The House of Hampton
Oh Andie, I have no words right now to help. But, I will find them when I get back to the farm. I so wish all good things to come to you. I just picked up the book Gratitude by Oliver Sacks, who passed away in 2015. He knew that his time had come. Love you dear from far and away.ReplyDelete
I've thought up a name for your unique house, Andie. I don't know if you'll like it, but I'll offer it for your consideration anyway.ReplyDelete
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CHATEAU GRISAILLE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's meant as a compliment, of course.
Meus sentimentos. Perdi meu irmão este ano.ReplyDelete
Mas fica as boas lembranças para confortar.
Bjos tenha uma ótima semana.
Eu sinto muito pela perda de seu amado irmão . Meu coração e orações estão com vocêDelete
Sweet Andie, I am so sorry about all of the losses you've experienced! There are times that it all comes crashing down at once! I am particularly sorry over your recent miscarriage, and the end of your trying. I know how difficult that is! I pray that the future holds much brighter days and wellness! Your bedroom is amazing! Love the furniture and decor! You find the most unusual and gorgeous pieces! Love the look! Take care my friend! Hugs, LeenaReplyDelete
Never will the losses become easier, you'll change to accommodate their loss. Waves of grief will get further apart, but never stop.ReplyDelete
Infertility. I too, chose a point to stop infertility treatments. You've tried, G*d indeed has spoken, and it's all good. Though the grief will come in stranger waves than losing people/pets.
Why do you think I GARDEN !!!! Happy place. You've got it too.
Garden & Be Well, XOT
I am so sorry for your horrible year. Having so much pain in loss means you had so much love in life. Not much comfort but it is something.ReplyDelete
I am so glad you have returned to blogging, I am mad at myself that I haven't check on my blog list in so long that I am almost 2 weeks late to your return.
I can't tell you how many of your Craigslist finds I love, especially that bed and chaise. I don't have the patience to look thru it all. You are very lucky and very talented.